The “Am I Your Mate?” Syndrome

“_See this small boy o! Am I your mate?_”

Someone has probably said these words to you if you were brought up with/or have Nigerian (maybe African too) heritage. We live in a society set up with prevalent hierarchies.

Isn’t age a good basis for distinction?

I don’t believe it is. Here’s why I say so.

Human nature is distinct, Intelligence Quotient(IQ) differs, as does social aptitude. Intrinsic talents, abilities also differ with our varying genetic make-up. How then can we know better about someone’s unique path than the person who lives it? Near impossible.

The common reason given is that someone older has more “experience”. Yes, that has some credence. However, our uniqueness means that our experiences are unique to us. For instance, I find it difficult to sit for too long in one position whereas someone (PH folk, think Ken Katas, lol) might find sitting conducive. We have the same experience but different perspectives.

Also, my taciturn, introverted nature means that at my age I am less socially adept than some 16year olds. I possibly have more experience in other areas of life that are more to my liking. Perhaps in my love of technology. What grounds then do I have to tell that 16 year old that I know better than him with respect to social interactions? None.

But companies always ask for experience, don’t they recognise our uniqueness?”

A company is a business, she wants to be profitable so she makes reasonable assumptions. They expect that an average person should have learned what is required in the time-frame. The above average is a tricky gamble, but some still take the risks with them. The true test for the best is, can s/he get the job done?

Hmmmm. Let’s talk life & relationships then. So, I can’t tell my younger ones I’m not their mate, ehn?

’tis something they already know, I’m sure you had issues when being told the same thing. In my opinion it speaks of personal insecurity, for difficulty validating one’s opinion/suggestions pull the age card. Convenient right?

Respect is not age-dependent. I would know. It is easier to respect someone who isn’t consistently reminding you of his “presumed” advantage(s) over you. It shows a confidence that fears no challenge. But when the insecurities rear up their ugly head, challenges come naturally.

How do I get beyond this “Am I Your Mate” Syndrome?

Well, I’m not an expert but I have some suggestions.

1• Recognition: Recognise your uniqueness. Strengths & Weaknesses. Seek to recognise same in others.

2• Respect: Respect the other person. He presents a different viewpoint on life. Respect for his viewpoint would likely birth respect for yours.

3• Teach: Be willing to teach, patiently and respectfully. Younger ones (in some cases, older ones too) can often look up to you. The manner in which you treat them determines how they would treat you. When they see you as a teacher, mentor it is harder for them to disrespect you.

4• Learn: Learn from others. Having recognised your limitations, you can now seek to strengthen them. One of my life mottos is Learning Is For Ever (L.I.F.E). You can learn from everyone if you stay open

These are my suggestions. I’m sure now you have a few of yours. Feel free to fill them in the comment section.

Finally, I’d end with one of my favourite quotes (modified by me). _“Age is a measure of how long you’ve had to learn in life’s school”_ As our lives vary, so do our life schools and our life curriculae. Don’t be threatened by others, your path is unique.

P.S.: Thank you for reading, don’t forget to comment. And yeah, guess how old I am in the comment section for fun. Open only for those that don’t know me personally.